His Rubberdoll

I let him tie me up because it’s sexy that he likes it: The way he looks at me, an older man who wants to hurt me, punish me, put me into bondage. It turns me on how stern he can be, and so I go along with it. Our affair has been taking place for months now, in secrecy of course. None of my friends in college know about it.

“I want you as my slave”, he tells me. “I want to own you, to keep you forever as my prisoner.”

I like those little roleplays. I am turned on, strictly tied, covered with sweat, moist and helpless and his.

I go along because I know he likes it: “Enslave me”, I say. “Just do it, make me your prisoner. No one will ever find out.” It’s a bit silly, but I know how it arouses him. Here I am, a pretty, long-legged, young woman with light skin and dark eyes and an awesome body, talking kinky like there was no tomorrow.

He laughs, kisses me, licks the sweat off my skin and fucks me, a great evening for both of us. I don’t mind the bruises. In college I just wear a long-sleeved blouse for a few days.

Another day. “If I wanted to kidnap you, I guess I would do it when you return from that course on renaissance politics, the one you have late each Wednesday”, he says. We are on his bed, naked, post-coital relaxation is setting in. We are sharing a cigarette.

“That would be bad for my career”, I laugh. “I plan to get my PhD and start teaching as soon as possible, remember? I doubt I could do that when I was your prisoner.”

He nods his head, very sternly. “That is true. You would be my rubberdoll, suffering in bondage forever.”

“Well, some people might miss me!”

“They would, but I would make sure they would not find you. I would make sure I delete all evidence, maybe I could even give people the impression that you went on a journey and disappeared in another country.”

“Fair enough, but in that case I would rather have you pay for a real journey for me!”

We both have a laugh about it. Later he ties me again, another round of great sex. It’s the kind of weird, sexy, liberal friend-with-benefits-situation that I always wanted. It’s perfect.

It's Wednesday, I am tired. All I want is a shower and my soft bed. But suddenly someone is behind me in the driveway. I turn around and see him, in dark clothes in the shadow nearly invisible.

“You startled me! Holy shit”, I say, “I could have shot you with the stun gun I carry in my bag!”

“It’s time”, is all he said. Then he grabs me and suddenly a stinking rag is over my mouth and nose, a chemical smell makes me dizzy. I fight and try to scream, but I’m suffocating. The smell is unbearable. I inhale in panic, and I slip into darkness.

A room I don’t know. I am standing, I can’t move. I feel naked, but I’m not. Black material covering my skin, a corset crushing me, my feet in ballet boots. I realize I am collared, gagged… my arms hurt…. They are strapped into a reverse prayer on my back. The pain makes me cry. I can see the transparent tube that might belong to a drip, disappearing somewhere into my collar.

He is sitting in front of a pc. He is using my credit card, booking a flight to Ecuador. Some kind of backpacking adventure? I panic, I scream but only produce weak moaning noises. I try to fight the restraints, but I’m strapped against a rack on the wall, like a doll.

He turns around when he’s finished, walks to me, smiles. I try to tell him he needs to free me, but he kisses my gagged mouth.

“You are beautiful”, he says. “You are just how I wanted you. How does it feel?”

I want to tell him, that I feel horrible, that I want out, that he scares me. Doe she not understand, that this is not a game anymore, that I just flirted with danger because I thought we were both in on the joke?

But then he touches a switch and I can feel the drip being activated, some liquid burning gently as it enters a vein in my neck. The world gets blurry, warmer, softer. I want to scream, but I moan and push against his touch. I want to show him how much this terrifies me, but when he rubs my vagina and anus, I realize I am wet.

“Beautiful slave”, he says and pulls a tight rubberhood over my head. I am now blind, deaf, mute and helpless.

It’s my first of 4943 days as his rubberdoll.